* Back to the Beach

My toes miss digging in the sand. My body misses soaking up the warmth of the sun. My eyes miss seeing the ebb and flow of the ocean as it gently washes up onto the sand. It’s my place to escape, read a book, journal, and talk to God. I need to go back to the beach!

It’s been a while since I’ve been for a lot of reasons but I miss the sense of healing I experience when I’m sitting on a beach; the connection I feel with the beauty that God has to offer in nature. For me, it’s restorative. Do you have a place you can go that helps you to feel whole again? Even if your place is somewhere nearby where you can grab a few minutes of peace, I encourage you to go there when you need to regroup. My alternate place is my front porch swing.

I’ve promised myself that soon I’ll go back to the beach for a respite. Look for me. I’ll be the one in the purple beach chair with a book in her hand watching the waves splash. Come join me and we’ll sit and restore together.

Blessings, Cindy J.

* The Weight of Grief

A lot of people like to sleep under a weighted blanket. These blankets are supposedly designed to provide a more restful sleep by helping to relieve stress and anxiety. Personally, I feel like I am smothering when I’m under a heavy blanket. The weight of it makes me feel trapped and panicky so I don’t find them comforting at all.

Grief to me feels a lot like that weighted blanket. It’s heavy and it smothers me. I want to throw it off and breathe; but I can’t. It’s just sitting there, pressing down, and keeping me from moving. My heart is full of sadness and sometimes it’s just unbearable. I realize I need to find a place for my grief so it doesn’t overwhelm me, but I’m struggling.

Other people who have experienced loss and grief have assured me that time will help to heal my broken heart and I cling to that, but I’m not there yet. Another older friend told me that the amount of tears I shed for the loved one I lost is just the right amount for me. I’m not done with the tears yet either.

So, in the meantime, I continue to go about each day, pray and try to understand how God can use me in this time of sorrow. I know without a doubt that I am loved and that I am not alone. He’s walking with me in the valley and I just need to look up for the strength only He can provide.

Blessings, Cindy J

* Opportunity

“Turn your pain into opportunity.” – Elana Koening, Childhood Cancer Survivor

Have you ever looked at the adverse things that happen in your life and seen them as an opportunity? Elana Koening has and continues to do so. She was only 11 years old when she finished her last chemotherapy treatment and started the Koening Childhood Cancer Foundation with money from her piggy bank. Now 16 years old, she continues to raise money through the nonprofit foundation she created. The funds go to help children who are fighting childhood cancer. Elana knows how hard it is to fight cancer as a kid and she wants to help other kids and their families navigate the difficult circumstances they face. She turned her pain into an opportunity to help others.

What pain have you faced this past year? Are you thankful that you’ve survived it thus far? Are you able to share it with others going through the same thing? British minister and Bible commentator Matthew Henry (1662-1917) said that “Thanksgiving is good but Thanksliving is better.” That quote resonates with me this year in so many ways. I am indeed thankful for all the things my family and I have been through this year and survived. A difficult surgery and heart attack for me and the premature birth of a precious granddaughter. We are blessed that God has answered so many prayers on our behalf. It’s a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season.

But how am I Thanksliving and using the gift of time I have been given? I take every opportunity that comes my way to tell others, especially women, not to ignore the little things in life when it comes to their health. I also encourage people to accept the gift of each new day and enjoy it with family and friends. Turning pain into an opportunity to help someone else is the best healing of all.

Blessings, Cindy J

* My Favorite Book

I read a lot of books. A lot! There are always at least two-three books on my nightstand so that when I finish with one, I have another one ready to go without missing a beat. I’m not really sure I have a favorite genre but I do tend to read historical fiction novels which I usually follow with a light read. I like stories about families, the beach and every once in a while, an interesting biography. So, yes, I read a variety of authors and subject matters.

One of my very favorite books is actually a children’s novel written by E.B. White. No, it’s not Charlotte’s Web as you might guess. My favorite is Trumpet of the Swan. This book has nature, journaling, travel and at the very core, a dynamic love story and friendship. I just recently gave my personal copy to my oldest granddaughter who loves reading just as much as I do. Tells you how much I love her, huh!

In my career as an elementary children’s librarian, I was always reading picture books to my students and teaching them lessons about life in the stories we shared. Two of my favorite picture book writers are Jan Brett and Patricia Polacco. Chapter books for children, especially the Newbery Award winners, have some of the most powerful story lines I’ve ever read. But even with all these years of reading, none of them are my absolute favorite book.

I’ve always read the Bible but it wasn’t until I started really reading and studying it more that I knew without a doubt it was my VERY favorite book. Yes, there are some great stories but the main thing is that it’s a guidebook on how to live your life and treat other people. After everything I’ve been through with cancer, sickness and injuries, the words also bring me great comfort. The whole thing was written by God through inspiring normal, ordinary people to share His words. I read my Bible every day and it never disappoints. I encourage you to pick it up and give it a try. After all, it’s still the best-selling book of all time!

Blessings, Cindy J

* Say Nothing

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

Some of the direst circumstances in our lives are the times when we need for others to do exactly that, say nothing. The most important thing they can do is just show up and be there for you. No words of encouragement or advice are necessary, just their physical presence. When people are hurting or confused, the last thing they need is for someone to judge them or tell them everything is going to be okay when their heart is breaking. They simply need us to be there for them and to love them.

In the book of Job in the Bible, Job lost his children, his crops, his livestock and his livelihood. He suffered illness and depression. When his friends showed up, they told him he must have done something to deserve all this heartache and gave him lots of advice on how to fix his problems. If you read his story, you know that he didn’t but the point is they were not helpful at all. Job’s response to them was that the wisest thing they could do was to just be quiet and grieve with him.

When you encounter someone who is going through a sickness like cancer, grieving the loss of a loved one, having a difficult personal time in their life, etc., please don’t ignore them because you don’t know what to say. The best thing you can do is just be there, love them and say nothing.

Blessings, Cindy J

* The Purple Journal

I do love a pretty journal. Over the years I have collected and written in many of them. Writing in a journal has gotten me through numerous life struggles and situations. When I’m no longer here, I hope it will be part of the legacy I leave for my children and grandchildren.

On a recent trip to the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC, my husband and I walked around Biltmore Village and perused all the little specialty shops. My favorite was one that specialized in paper and custom pens along with leather journals. I saw the most beautiful Italian leather purple journal. I didn’t really need another journal but it just spoke to me. Of course, I bought it and decided I would save it for something special I wanted to write about.

In January of this year, my third granddaughter was born almost two months premature. As I thought about all she was going through and the struggles she was facing, I remembered the purple journal and knew it was meant for her. This was where I could write her story and tell it through her Nana’s eyes. It has been a joy to fill the pages with my prayers, thoughts, and wishes for her as she grows. I pray it will one day help her to see what a strong, beautiful little girl she is and how much she has encouraged me.

Dear Sarah Elise, this post is for you. Love, Nana

Blessings, Cindy J

* Keep Moving Forward

Retired professional football player Deon Sanders was recently on a talk show and explained why he thinks some people survive trauma and others do not. He said it’s because they quit moving forward. He said our gut reaction when we experience pain or fear is to stop. That’s the worst thing we can do because when we stop moving, we become a target. I think there’s a lot of truth in what he said and I know I’ve experienced the same reaction at times in my life. When you hear the words, “You have cancer,” your body goes into shock, you panic and everything stops. You freeze and time seems to stand still.

So how do we move forward when things are bad? My primary way of dealing with adversity is through prayer and my faith but I also think it is important to take action. I am a reader and information is what I seek when faced with the unknown. I’ve always felt that information is powerful and, in this case, gives you the knowledge you need to help fight and ask questions. It also keeps you from being inactive because you are moving forward and participating in trying to solve the problem. Sure, you might fall down but that’s not what matters. It’s the getting back up that’s important.

NC State women’s basketball coach Kay Yow said, “When life kicks you, let it kick you forward.” She was kicked by cancer and ultimately lost her life. However, the money her foundation has raised for cancer research is still going strong. I’ve likewise been kicked by life, cancer, and heart issues to name a few and even though I stumble a lot, I’m doing my best to move forward. Sometimes I’m a bit slow, but I’m moving. So, I just want to encourage you by saying, please don’t stop. Keep moving forward.

Blessings, Cindy J

* Roots

I always thought I had strong roots; especially where my faith was concerned. As a child, I grew up going to church and learning about Jesus. I loved going to church; it was who our family was and what we did. Our social life revolved around church activities and I never really questioned my commitment to God. Be that as it may, I must admit that I didn’t truly have a desire to be more like Jesus until my oldest son was born. I wanted to give him solid roots; for him to be brought up in a church family around people who loved the Lord. I also knew it meant working on my own roots.

My roots in the faith have needed “repotting” from time to time as I’ve faced challenges and just life in general but since 2009, I’ve really learned the meaning of digging down deep and being firmly planted in my faith. God has used cancer to help strengthen my roots and build a deeper relationship with Him.

Have you ever noticed that the trees that tend to survive a hurricane are the ones who have other trees all around them? Their roots are stronger because they bind together and they weather the storm better because they lean on each other to remain strong. What helps you strengthen your roots? For me, it’s my faith and the support of my family and friends. If you’re in the midst of a storm, I encourage you to find a way to strengthen your roots. Strong roots are what sustain you and help you remain on solid ground long after the storm is over.

Blessings, Cindy J

* My Life is a Country Music Song

Back in 2009 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought that my life could not get any worse. I mean, cancer; it’s the diagnosis we all dread, right? I now call cancer the “gift that keeps on giving” because I’ve had so many things go wrong with my health due to the after effects of the very treatments that saved my life. I am very grateful to still be here with my family so I’m not complaining but almost 14 years later, I’m just ready for a break! A friend of mine told me that I needed to write a book on overcoming adversity and I said that I think I needed to write a country music song instead!

I mean seriously; I faced chemo for my cancer that I thought would surely result in me dying some days because I felt so bad. Radiation caused scar tissue that left me with ongoing pain in my chest along with damage to my esophagus. The surgery to fix my esophagus was one of the most difficult recoveries I’ve ever been through. Then there’s all the trouble with my eyes that was caused by the steroids I was given during treatments and subsequently thinking I might even lose my eyesight. Did I mention I now have neuropathy in my feet? Not sure, but it probably contributed to a fall I took last summer where I fractured my shoulder and had to have it replaced. Wait, there’s one more thing. I had a heart attack in February and am still recovering from that event.

Death, pain, blindness, surgeries, broken bones, heart attack; yep, that’s a country music song! You know another big component of country music songs? God and the hope and strength only He can provide. Country music is about real life and how we get through it with things like family, friends, and faith. So, I guess I’ll find me a catchy tune and head to Nashville.

*This post is dedicated to my friend Ruth. Thanks for your ongoing encouragement!

Blessings, Cindy J

* Comfort

*I wrote the first paragraph of this post this past summer before all the recent health events I’ve been through. It reminded me of how we have both good and bad times in our life and that there’s always a way to find comfort even in the worst of life’s circumstances.

Comfort; it comes at the most unexpected times and usually when you need it most. Today I found comfort in a morning yoga class on a dock over the water. The instructor encouraged us to ground ourselves to the dock with our bare feet and extend our roots all the way down to the core of the Earth. I felt tall, proud, and comforted. After lunch, I came out to the beach and dug my toes in the surf and sand. I found comfort in that shifting stability.

Now I am writing in my journal and releasing my thoughts. I have found comfort today and it allows me to be open to the peace I long for that only God can provide. Where do you find comfort? Search for it and embrace it every chance you get. It is what sustains you on the days when there seems to be no comfort in sight. I’m having a lot of those days right now but I look back at what I wrote this summer and realize I always have the power within to borrow from that strength and find my comfort for today!

Blessings, Cindy J