* My Life is a Country Music Song

Back in 2009 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought that my life could not get any worse. I mean, cancer; it’s the diagnosis we all dread, right? I now call cancer the “gift that keeps on giving” because I’ve had so many things go wrong with my health due to the after effects of the very treatments that saved my life. I am very grateful to still be here with my family so I’m not complaining but almost 14 years later, I’m just ready for a break! A friend of mine told me that I needed to write a book on overcoming adversity and I said that I think I needed to write a country music song instead!

I mean seriously; I faced chemo for my cancer that I thought would surely result in me dying some days because I felt so bad. Radiation caused scar tissue that left me with ongoing pain in my chest along with damage to my esophagus. The surgery to fix my esophagus was one of the most difficult recoveries I’ve ever been through. Then there’s all the trouble with my eyes that was caused by the steroids I was given during treatments and subsequently thinking I might even lose my eyesight. Did I mention I now have neuropathy in my feet? Not sure, but it probably contributed to a fall I took last summer where I fractured my shoulder and had to have it replaced. Wait, there’s one more thing. I had a heart attack in February and am still recovering from that event.

Death, pain, blindness, surgeries, broken bones, heart attack; yep, that’s a country music song! You know another big component of country music songs? God and the hope and strength only He can provide. Country music is about real life and how we get through it with things like family, friends, and faith. So, I guess I’ll find me a catchy tune and head to Nashville.

*This post is dedicated to my friend Ruth. Thanks for your ongoing encouragement!

Blessings, Cindy J

* Comfort

*I wrote the first paragraph of this post this past summer before all the recent health events I’ve been through. It reminded me of how we have both good and bad times in our life and that there’s always a way to find comfort even in the worst of life’s circumstances.

Comfort; it comes at the most unexpected times and usually when you need it most. Today I found comfort in a morning yoga class on a dock over the water. The instructor encouraged us to ground ourselves to the dock with our bare feet and extend our roots all the way down to the core of the Earth. I felt tall, proud, and comforted. After lunch, I came out to the beach and dug my toes in the surf and sand. I found comfort in that shifting stability.

Now I am writing in my journal and releasing my thoughts. I have found comfort today and it allows me to be open to the peace I long for that only God can provide. Where do you find comfort? Search for it and embrace it every chance you get. It is what sustains you on the days when there seems to be no comfort in sight. I’m having a lot of those days right now but I look back at what I wrote this summer and realize I always have the power within to borrow from that strength and find my comfort for today!

Blessings, Cindy J

* The Beauty of Sea Glass

My sister recently returned from a cruise to the Bahamas and while there visited a beach in Haiti. The beaches of Haiti are known for their sea glass and I asked her to bring back a piece if she found any. She did and it reminded me of a poem I had written a while back about how being in the turmoil of the ocean is what ends up making sea glass so beautiful. My hope for you is that you don’t miss the beauty that’s found at the end of a long, hard-fought struggle.

Sea Glass

Ugly, jagged broken glass goes into the ocean

It tumbles and tosses along the sandy bottom

Rising to the surface, it’s pulled back down again

It struggles and then gives itself up to the sea

At last, the ocean deposits it on the shore

Beautiful, smooth, and molded

Sea glass; deep lasting beauty.

Blessings, Cindy J

* The Struggle Bus

In exercise class one day, I shared that I was on the struggle bus and having a hard time. A fellow class participant piped up and said, “Well just be glad you’re on it and not under it.” I found humor in her logic and was grateful that at least I was indeed on the bus. Lately, I’ve felt like that struggle bus has completely run over me and left me on the side of the road. It’s been hard picking myself up and climbing back onto the bus. But I’m trying!

Here’s the thing about the struggle bus; other people are on there with you. Their struggle may not be the same as yours but nonetheless they are dealing with something that causes them anxiety, grief, or pain. It’s important to acknowledge that you’re on the struggle bus and dealing with something hard but it’s equally important to acknowledge the people riding along with you. By reaching out to them, it makes the journey seem a little less scary and stressful.

As I’ve quoted before from Robin Roberts, she says “everybody’s got something.” My something may seem harder than yours right now but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we reach out to each other, be kind to one another and give each other a hand to help them stay on the bus until they reach their destination. No one can predict when we’ll get off this struggle bus and back into a quieter journey. But I bet you’ll be stronger if you just hang on for the ride and learn from the experience.

Blessings, Cindy J

* The Good Stuff

I live in a small, rural community and go to my local Dollar General for well, everything except groceries! The other day I was standing at the cash register checking out and this tiny little older lady dressed in leggings, boots and a Christmas sweater came bursting through the front door. She was smiling at everyone she encountered, greeting them, and wishing them a Merry Christmas. The cashier obviously knew her and said, “Ms. So & So (sorry, I can’t remember her name), what are you up to today?” She said without hesitation, “Oh, I’m just passing out the good stuff.” I looked at her and she said, “you know the good stuff like smiles, laughter, Have a nice day, Merry Christmas.” I told her that I liked her philosophy to which she replied, “You never know what kind of ice you might break with your good words.”

I thought about what she said all the way back to my car and I’m still thinking about it. In this holiday season when things can get a little hectic at times, family gatherings a bit tense and depression easily sets in just remember, we can all pass out the good stuff of love, joy and peace. Merry Christmas Y’all!

Blessings, Cindy J

* Darkness

Darkness is consuming. In total darkness, you cannot see and you cannot be seen. It’s a safe place to hide away. You can sit in darkness for a while; sometimes it’s even necessary for healing. BUT eventually you need to stand up and walk towards light so the darkness does not destroy you.

Trust me; I understand darkness and the overwhelming feeling of just wanting to disappear. The trials of life can at times be so overwhelming that all you can do is exist from day to day. Hiding away in the darkness keeps you from having to deal with things that are just too hard to bear. It can be pain, sickness, grief, or any kind of life upheaval that shakes you to your core. Darkness though can keep you from coming to terms with the very thing you must face.

If you must hide in the darkness for a season, please don’t do so alone. Make sure you have a family member or friend who can sit beside you and help you hold on. Seek professional counseling or talk to your pastor. It’s okay to need someone. Don’t lose your way in the midst of this darkness. Most importantly, don’t forget to look for the light. Remember that God sees you in the darkness. He is your eternal light.

Blessings, Cindy J

* Today is a Good Day

This morning as I was trying to motivate myself to get out of bed and face another day caring for a painful shoulder injury that resulted in major surgery, I struggled. Then I thought about something my sweet Daddy used to always say. “When you get up in the morning just say to yourself, today is going to be a good day and tomorrow is going to be even better.” I couldn’t help but smile, put both feet on the floor and pray that God would give me the strength to do just that. I thanked my Daddy for “seeing” me from heaven this morning and sending me the encouragement I needed.

As I begin to recover, I feel it is important to remember the struggle so I won’t forget all it took to get me to a place of well-being. I think if we forget, we don’t learn the lesson of the battle we faced. Every day either brings a new challenge or a positive step forward. I want to be prepared for both understanding that tomorrow just might be better.

Who in your life needs encouraging? Who needs to be seen and understood? I have received so many cards, texts and phone calls over the past few weeks from people just to let me know they’re praying for me and thinking about me. Every single one makes a difference and gives me strength. Thank you for understanding that I need you. Today and tomorrow.

Blessings, Cindy J

* How Much More?

With my latest accident that happened when I fell and broke my shoulder I’ve asked this question a lot, how much more? Just how much more can my body and mind take. Ironically, my daily devotion right now is the book of Job in the Bible. Job faced heartache after heartache, even lost his children and his health but he never doubted or cursed God. Do I have that kind of faith? Can I trust God enough to know that He’ll walk with me through each and every thing that comes along? I want to but I have to admit that I am woefully human and doubt.

I received a little book from a friend titled Tears and Tossing: Hope in the Waves of Life by Sarah Walton and another one from my niece and her husband titled Walking with God through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller. Both books have helped me put this whole pain and adversity thing in perspective. I am not the only person that has suffered. Many people have suffered way more than I have. That in no way diminishes everything I’ve been through, it’s just a reminder that I am not alone. Other people see and understand my struggle. They reach out to hold my hand, encourage me and walk beside me.

How much more? I don’t know. All I can tell you is that I’ll take each day as it comes, deal with that day’s pain or challenge and reach out for those hands that are offered. I pray my faith will continue to grow and I’ll come out of this stronger than before.

Blessings, Cindy J

* Worst to Best

From the worst to the best, that’s how we deal with adversity and let God take control. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say, “Well if God is such a good God, why do bad things happen?” It’s true, God is all knowing and in total control of the universe and our lives BUT He also allows us to have free will. Sometimes it’s because of the free will and actions of others that bad things happen. Other times, things like sickness and death just happen through no one’s fault. They’re just a part of life. What really matters is how we take those adverse events and turn them into a situation that shows just how mighty and powerful God can be.

All of us have a “worst” thing of some type in our life. One of my worst, being diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. My best, writing about my feelings in this blog in hopes of encouraging others. How can you make your worst thing a best thing? Please don’t waste all that pain. Turn it into something full of beauty and grace. It’s the struggle that makes us stronger. I never said it would be easy. All I ask you to do is think about it and make a choice for better.

Blessings, Cindy J

* Sprint or Crawl?

“We need to sprint towards compassion and crawl towards judgment.”

I can’t remember where I heard this quote or who said it but it resonated with me. If we are honest with ourselves, most of us get this idea all mixed up and sprint towards judgment when we should be taking a step back and crawling instead. The point is, we need to take our time before jumping to conclusions about a situation or a person.

I’ve written a lot about this topic recently. I’m not sure why other than I have been giving it a lot of thought and wondering how I treat others. I find I am losing my patience more often with people who judge and I am working hard not to be one of them. It could be that in the past I know I have been the sprinter and I want to change that. The older I get, the more my heart hurts for those who just need a little kindness and patience. It could be that as I age, I find I need for others to show me that same courtesy from time to time.

Or maybe it’s because I finally am understanding how much God cares for me and wants me to follow His example by caring for others who need a little compassion. All I know is that I’m learning to crawl again and I’m the one receiving the blessings.

Blessings, Cindy J