I love lighthouses and have explored all the ones in North Carolina where I live. I’ve also visited ones in Virginia, South Carolina and Georgia. Yep, I love lighthouses! One reason is that lighthouses are located at the beach and if you have been reading my blog for a while you know that the beach is my happy place. Another reason is that I have a lot of respect for the fact that they’ve been there for so many years weathering storms yet still standing strong. Rain, fog, nor’easter, even hurricanes, they stand tall with their light shining. Lighthouses were built long before navigation systems and GPS existed. Their light was both a warning and a guide to sailors as they navigated from point to point along the coast. Lighthouse keepers were diligent about keeping that light shining because they knew mariners depended on them for their safety.

Like the lighthouse, I believe that each of us has a light within us that needs to shine for others to see. My yoga instructor Stephanie always ends each class by saying, “The light within me, honors and respects the light within you.” I love that she reminds us each week of the importance of our inner light. We all have times in our lives when we don’t feel as if our light is shining very bright. It’s during those times that I think you receive guidance and strength from the light of others. In fact, your light might be the very beacon of hope that someone else needs to get through a tough thing like cancer, grief or an overwhelming life circumstance.

So, no matter what your day may bring, opportunity, joy or challenge, always remember to “let your light shine”. Someone may be depending on you for that light. 

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its’ stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.     Matthew 5: 14-16 NIV

Blessings, Cindy J

This year my plans for Christmas didn’t come together quite like I imagined. Life is just like that sometimes. I also didn’t think in 2009 that I would be here for my 10th holiday season post cancer. I’m sure glad I am though! Here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas  and a Happy New Year. May 2020 bring you peace, good health and happiness.

Vowels are important in the English language. Every word contains at least one vowel. A vowel can even be a word on its’ own. At times this cancer walk can feel like a travel through the vowels. There’s the initial “O” of shock when you are diagnosed but of particular note are the vowels “I” and “U”. At first, everything is about me; the “I”. If you’re not careful the focus shifts so much to the “I” or me that you forget the importance of letting others share this walk with you. I think the whole thought of what lies ahead is just so overwhelming you can’t help but focus on yourself! Maybe the “I” is not so much about pride as it is self-preservation.

Speaking from experience I can tell you that the shift needs to happen to the “U” if you want to get through this thing in one piece. Allowing others to help can be very humbling, especially for someone who is independent like me. Oops; there goes that “I” again. There are just some days when mentally and physically you cannot go it alone. As hard as it may be for you, I promise the support will be worth it. Not only are you blessed with much needed help but the person helping you is equally blessed. See I told you that “U” was a whole lot better.

In this season of Thanksgiving, allow others to bless you in your time of need. Thanks to all those who continue to bless me each day. Happy Thanksgiving!

Blessings, Cindy J

Pain just seems to be an ongoing part of the cancer experience. I’m not one to use this blog to complain but sometimes I just want to say, “pain, pain go away”. Unlike the children’s poem about rain, I do not want it to come back another day. Ever. We all have little every day aches and pains as we age but some of my pains are a direct result of cancer treatments. I know that the Beatles said to “let it be” and that Elsa said to “let it go” but honestly sometimes it’s just plain hard to ignore or forget. So, what do I do?

I’m not sure there’s an answer to that question but I try to find someone who is dealing with a lot more pain than I am, then try to be thankful that even though I hurt someone else is hurting a lot worse than me. My feet give me a lot of problems due to lingering neuropathy from chemotherapy. I have to step carefully and make sure I always wear good shoes. Painful problem, right? This summer I saw a lady sitting on the beach in the surf. When she stood up, I also noticed that she had two prosthetic legs. Not only did she get herself up out of the surf on those legs but she ran through the sand up to her beach cottage. My neuropathy didn’t seem so bad after all.

Yes, the pain is here to stay and I have to deal with it but by the grace of God I am still here! I’m alive and able to enjoy my family and friends. So, to go back to the poem about rain…I think today I’ll just go out and play anyway regardless of the rain or the pain.

Blessings, Cindy J

One of the pitfalls of chemotherapy is losing your hair. Even though you know it’s coming and you think you’ve prepared for the inevitable, it is devastating when it finally does happen. Oh sure, there’s some really cute wigs and hats you can wear but there’s something about losing your hair that feels kind of hopeless. I always thought I looked sick when my hair was gone. It also caused others to give me that, “oh you poor thing” look. How in the world can anyone have hope when their hair is falling out by the handful?

My moment of hope came when one of my students so bluntly reminded me that she “really didn’t care about my hair.” The weather was warming up and my wig was getting very hot and itchy. We were to be in a small group testing situation and I asked if it would bother her if I didn’t wear my wig. Like I said, she let me know in her own special way that this situation was not about me. She was the one who had to take the test and my hair really didn’t matter! I began to realize that no one else was as worried about my hair as I seemed to be.

I have to admit though, when that first peach fuzz covering of hair appeared on my head I was overjoyed. It took a long time after finishing chemo for this to happen but it gave me hope that if my hair could return, then maybe I was going to be okay as well. So if you or someone you know feels hopeless about their situation with cancer right now, just hang on. Somewhere in all this darkness there will be hope; even if it is something as simple as hair.

Blessings, Cindy J

I live in a military community that is home to the largest Coast Guard base in the United States. From time to time, the Black Hawk helicopters use their airport and facility for training. When I turn down the road beside the Coast Guard base and see those Black Hawks parked along the outer runway, I feel safe. It’s just something about knowing they are in the vicinity that gives me a little extra reassurance. I know if a situation arises, they’ve got us covered.

That’s kind of how I feel about all the health care providers who have taken such good care of me over the past few years. My oncologist Dr. Tan and my surgeon Dr. Ruiz along with their excellent staff, continue to monitor me every year just to make sure I’m doing okay. It provides me with the reassurance that should my cancer resurface, they will still be in my corner making certain I receive the best care possible. For that I am eternally grateful. I guess you could call them my medical Black Hawks!

Let us never take for granted those in the armed forces who fight for and protect our country. May we also be thankful for those health care providers who sometimes put their own families on hold for those who are sick and need them. Both sacrifice their time to keep us safe and well. Today I just want to say thank you.

Blessings, Cindy J

Ever since I was a little girl, every Sunday morning finds me at church going to Sunday School. I have attended different churches in different cities over the years but I always feel most at home when I am in Sunday School. I’ve been fortunate to meet some really great people at church who have inspired me to be a better person. I call them “Sunday School Saints” and I’d like to tell you about a few of them.

My earliest memories are of Mrs. Woody in a rural church in Virginia. She led the singing and opening assembly before Sunday School started. If it was your birthday week, you were presented with a wash cloth puppet she had made. A gift that was both practical and fun! The thing I remember most is that she always made everyone feel special. It didn’t matter who you were, who your parents were or where you came from, everyone was treated as an equal.

Another saint was Ms. Vonceil, our former pastor’s wife. When she sat down to play the piano it was like heaven on Earth. She just had a way of connecting with the music that made you feel what was in her heart. Ms. Vonceil was one of the most genuine, gracious people I have ever known.

One of my favorite saints was Mrs. Payne. She was a retired P.E. teacher and tennis coach who also taught Sunday School, including my two boys. Whenever one of her class members accepted Jesus, she rejoiced and wrote their name on the wall outside her classroom. She had a purpose and she loved to share that purpose with everyone.

Each of these ladies taught me an important lesson in life. I’m not sure about Mrs. Woody, but we lost Ms. Vonceil and Mrs. Payne to cancer. Both of these women were faithful to the end and rejoiced in sharing how Jesus had touched them during their cancer battle. They never complained and they set an example for me of how to deal with adversity. I only hope that my sharing about my struggles helps someone else the same way they helped me.

Blessings, Cindy J

Ten years ago today, I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. I still vividly remember my doctor walking into the examining room, looking at me with concern and saying, “You have cancer and it’s not good”. Some memories never fade; just like the ones of the twin towers falling in New York. You see it.  You hear it.  You know it just happened but somehow it doesn’t seem real. I won’t lie; it has not been easy dealing with this disease. I try to be positive but there are still days when it is tough. So much has changed in my life and the life of our country since those fateful 9-11’s. I’m more cautious about my health but also more grateful for each new day. Our country has learned to be more vigilant and to realize we are not immune to attack from the outside.

Each of us has faced some type of challenge in our life. As Robin Roberts said, “Everybody’s got something”. Whatever your something is, my prayer today is that you can learn from that something and make a positive change in your life. Better yet, use it to make a positive change in someone else’s life as well.

Blessings, Cindy J

My husband and I enjoy spending time out on the water in our kayaks. We like to paddle in creeks and small rivers where the water is smooth. There have been times however when we needed to maneuver through a larger body of water to get to our favorite spot. Sometimes these waters can be rough and I have to paddle a little harder but I know that eventually it will be worth it. The reward at the end is a quiet, calm place to spend time on our adventure. It makes me realize that at times I have to encounter some “rough waters” in my life to better appreciate the peaceful safety of each ordinary day. Even in the smooth waters there are floating logs and limbs that cause an occasional bump or snag.

Facing a life-threatening illness is like navigating through choppy, at times dangerous waters. I feel like I spent two years of my life in those waters and even after all the treatments and surgeries were over, there were still times when my life boat experienced a little turbulence. These rocky times have taught me though that I just need to hang on, paddle a little harder and ride the waves. Most of all I need to stay focused on the task at hand, getting to the calmer waters. The life application here is that when you encounter rough waters and the occasional bump, just keep on paddling.

Blessings, Cindy J