You learn a lot about your body and yourself when you have cancer and you come away from the disease with scars. There are physical scars from surgery and treatment that are a constant reminder of what you have been through. There are emotional scars that cannot be seen but that are also just as real. Everyone tells you to find a new normal; that things are different now. Finding a new normal was not acceptable to me. I wanted my old life back. Since I am a retired librarian, I started doing what librarians do; seeking information and asking questions. Mainly I just wanted to know WHY things had to be different now.

The physical scars from surgery itch and pull. My clothes still don’t fit exactly right. Other people can’t see the scars but I know they’re there. I can feel them every time I move and see them every time I get dressed. It is a reminder to me of what I’ve been but also that I’m still here and strong despite my battle scars. For those of you with similar scars, here are some suggestions. Palmer’s cocoa butter works great to help keep the scar area moist and not so tight. Use it daily! The after effects of radiation continue to change and alter my skin. I have been blessed to find a massage therapist who can break up the scar tissue that forms and keep my muscles moving. I only wish that everyone had access to the kind of care she provides. I continue to hope for a day when alternative therapies like massage therapy and yoga become an integral part of cancer care along with traditional medicine practices. Current research shows that when the two are combined, patients have a better quality of life during and after treatment.  Most people going through cancer treatments don’t know that there are services available. Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for suggestions.

Then there are the emotional scars. Sometimes these can be the worst, especially when you don’t have someone to talk to about your fears. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog. I wanted other people to know that their feelings are real. Trust me, you are not alone. Anyone who has been through a diagnosis of a life-threatening disease has scars even if they don’t want to admit it. It’s okay to feel that way. It becomes harmful though when you don’t find an outlet for those fears. There are support groups in many communities. These people get it; they live in your world and they understand what you’re going through. Daily meditation to focus on being positive is helpful. For me, it is time spent in prayer, reading my Bible and a short devotional. Yoga is also a great stress reliever for anyone; sickness or not. The practice of yoga teaches your body to relax and helps you stretch and move. Restorative yoga is a great way to start.

Scar tissue is real. It hurts both physically and emotionally but it doesn’t have to remain that way. Do what I did. Ask questions, read and find information about your particular problem. You don’t have to accept that you will never be the same. Maybe it is a new normal but it does not have to be one filled with fear or pain. Hopefully with all that you’ve learned about yourself, it will be better normal!

Blessings, Cindy J

 

 

 

 

When I was a little girl, our family used to go to the beach every summer for vacation. I remember one particular summer when my brother had a severe case of poison ivy. My Mama was concerned about him being able to get in the ocean. The doctor told her not to worry, that the salt water would actually be good for his sores and would help to heal them. Over the years I have returned to the ocean many times for a bit of healing myself. There’s just something about the ocean that is therapeutic. Maybe it’s the sound of the waves, the feel of the sand between my toes, or the salty sea air that I crave. All is know is that when I step out into the water I feel at peace and the healing begins.

Most people like to go to the beach in the summer when it’s warm but I will take a trip to the seaside no matter the season. Just even thinking about a visit makes me happy. When I walk over the sand dunes (I live on the southeast coast) and catch that first glimpse of the ocean waves, my heart is restored. It only takes a few minutes of walking along the shore for my breathing to slow down and my mind to clear. It’s where I have my best conversations with God. Yes, these waters are healing.

During the time I was so sick when going through my cancer treatments, I thought I had to keep the same pace with my work and life. I felt like by doing all my normal, everyday routines that it would help me feel better. What it did was completely wear me out. How I wish I had taken the time for a little healing. It took much longer for my body to recover because I did not compensate for what was happening and slow down a little. This is just one of the many life lessons cancer taught me.

My advice to anyone going through a life changing event whether it be a sickness, loss of a loved one or change in your circumstances for whatever reason, is to take some time away to heal both physically and mentally. The soothing, healing waters of the ocean give me the calm and strength I need. So, take some time for yourself, find your special place and start the process of healing.

Blessings, Cindy J

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silence; it’s a difficult challenge for our culture. We don’t like to be quiet. We feel like we have to fill every moment with noise and activity. My silent place is in a rocking chair on my front porch. I like to sit there alone and simply listen to whatever God sends my way. It might be the sound of the wind blowing through the trees in my yard, a bird singing or at times not any sound, simply stillness. Mother Teresa said, “God is the friend of silence”. I have found that silence can bring much needed peace to my busy life.  It restores me.

There are other times when silence can be a gift to others. When someone is going through an illness or has suffered a devastating loss, simply being there for that person can be enough. If you can’t think of anything to say it may be because the thing they need most is you, not your words. Be silent and listen to them. Sit quietly with them and share their pain. Don’t tell them it will be okay or assure them all is well because for them at that moment, it is not. Being silent shows your love and concern in a powerful way. Let them talk, cry or whatever it is they need to do to deal with what they are facing.

Today I challenge you to take a few minutes and find a silent place. Then practice being silent. Learning to be silent when you are alone helps you to be silent when others need you to be silent for them. Silence is healing.

Blessings, Cindy J

I’ve shed a lot of tears over the years because well, I’m a crier. I still am not sure if that is a good thing or not but I can tell you that when somethings happens that stirs my emotions, I will probably shed a few tears or at least get a little misty eyed. Whenever we watched a movie or even a touching commercial (Hallmark you get me every time) as a family, my boys would always look over at me and say “tear check” because they knew I would be crying. For me, tears just provide that release of emotions that I need at the moment.

Over the last few days I have been shedding a lot of tears due to the dire circumstances being faced by many of our communities here in North Carolina. The little town where my son lives has been forever changed by the destruction caused by Hurricane Florence. The damage will take years to restore and peoples’ daily lives will be disrupted for a very long time. My Mama’s little rural community was entirely covered by flood waters for yet a second time in 19 years. My brother and his wife lost all their belongings in the flood. These are my friends and family. So yes, I’ve shed many tears from just shear heartbreak this past week.

During the days, weeks and months after my cancer diagnosis, it was hard to verbalize what I was feeling. My emotions ran high due to fear, frustration and exhaustion. Again, I shed lots of tears. I cried out to God many times through my tears not even knowing what to say or how to ask for help. My tears were my words.

Someone once told me that each tear is a prayer. If that’s the case, I sure have offered up a lot of prayers. It does give me encouragement and hope though that even when I cannot understand my situation it is okay because God does. He sees my tears and He listens to my heart. He understands my needs even when I cannot. So, go ahead and cry. Shed those tears and offer up those tiny prayers for yourself and others who are hurting. God is listening.

Blessings, Cindy J

Today is one of those days; dreary and overcast. It makes you just want to hide away and be quiet and gray just like the weather. For those of us having battled cancer or a life-threatening disease it seems to be an indication of what our life has become if we choose to focus on the negatives of the disease. Brokenness, disfigurement, energy loss and fear just to name a few. It is easy to get lost in the grayness of what we are facing and stop noticing what is happening around us. It can be that way for anyone really when you get lost in the busyness and stress of living life.

However, have you ever noticed how on days like this that the Earth seems to take on a brilliance of color in contrast to the sky? When the sun is shining bright we tend to focus on it and how clearly we can see. Without the brilliance of the sun, everything else seems to say, “Look at me! See me! I’m here, too!”  These things have been there the whole time right in front of us but like most people we just want to see the brightest and best life has to offer.

Maybe an overcast day is just God’s way of showing us that even in the gloominess of the gray, there is beauty. It is up to us to decide what our focus will be. Will we choose to see only the gloom and dread of our circumstances or will we look for the beauty in the things and the people around us? Let me encourage you to look for the goodness in this season of your life. Before you know it, the sun will be shining again but your life will be forever enriched by the beauty you found in the overcast.

Blessings, Cindy J

In order to help them be their very best, trees, bushes and flowers need to be pruned. I have agonized so many times over whether or not to prune a plant wondering if it was the right time of year, how much I should cut back or even sometimes whether or not I should just leave it alone. However, when I read all the gardening manuals and listen to what the experts say, the answer is clear. You must prune to make the most of your plants beauty and to stimulate growth.

After I have found the appropriate time and cut back much more than I ever thought necessary, I am always amazed and pleased with the results. The following year the plant comes back stronger, fuller and more beautiful than before. I am always glad I took the time to care for the plant and loved it enough to prune away the dead branches and unruly growth. The plant always ends up looking better than ever and is ready for new growth.

The whole concept of pruning started me thinking about how God can use circumstances in our lives to do a little pruning Himself.  Having been through the ins and outs of cancer treatment, I discovered that there were things in my life that needing cutting away along with the cancer that was growing in my body. God helped me to see that all those little things I spent so much time worrying about didn’t really matter. All the “stuff” I thought I needed didn’t really matter, either. What about my timelines, schedule and to do list? Nope! All of that was gently pruned away and I was left with what really mattered; my relationship with Him and the people in my life.

I’ve made it through this time of trial and hardship. By allowing God to use my circumstances and prune away the unnecessary things in my life, I am now stronger, happier and more focused on the true joys of life. I could have let all those things stay, bogging down my life and making me become bitter and angry about my disease but I didn’t. I chose to open up to the things God wanted to teach me and let his healing hand prune away the dead branches. I feel like my plants; I am better than ever and ready for whatever new God has in store for my life.

Blessings, Cindy J

I love words! I love to read them, write them, and listen to them. I am not good at spoken words unless I have carefully and thoughtfully planned them but I am good at the written word. I feel like it is a gift from God that I am supposed to share with others. That is one of the reasons I started this blog so that I could share some of the words I have written over the years. Writing has helped me to deal with issues I’ve faced. It is an outlet for emotions I didn’t feel like I could share with anyone. What I have learned though is that so many people have the same feelings and emotions and they want someone else to validate that their emotions are real. I hope that the words I share through this blog can do that for someone else.

Words like grandchildren, love and joy are happy words that people don’t usually mind sharing. Words like cancer, devastation and loneliness are not ones that people want to talk about. Words can be life changing in both positive and negative ways. Whatever you do, take time to share your words. Tell the people in your life that you love them. Talk about the things that make you fearful and keep you up at night. Write about your worries in a journal. Bottom line…share your words! Someone else might be waiting to hear or read the very thing that you have to say. I love words!

Blessings, Cindy J

 

My thumbprint…at first glance, a small insignificant smudge on the surface. But it is MY thumbprint and unique in its’ design. No one else can ever leave a thumbprint like mine. Do I have a responsibility for the thumbprints I leave on the people I encounter or the places I go in my lifetime? Or I am just gathering their thumbprints and not giving back? How can I help people see what lies beneath that small, smudge and make my thumbprint count? 

I can share my love of words and literacy by continuing to share the joy of reading with children in my community as I did when I was working as an elementary school librarian. I can teach others to cherish the power of words and understand how these words influence lives. I can help them understand that they have a story to share because of their life experiences. My thumbprint can be significant in the world because I can help people see how to leave their own thumbprints.  I must guard my uniqueness as I gather the thumbprints of others and through my own thumbprint encourage others to embrace theirs.

Blessings, Cindy J