Ask someone who has been through a major illness how they are doing and you’ll get a variety of answers. Some people with tell you EVERYTHING! Others will share a few pertinent details and still others will tell you nothing at all. One thing I have learned is that if people need to talk about their pain and the experience of their disease, then let them. For some people, sharing their hurts and problems seems to help them let go of the negative energy they carry around as a result of their sickness. For those who don’t want to talk, simply being there to help them through a difficult day can be enough.

Another thing I have learned is that you should never compare pain. Just because someone doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real. Everyone deals with pain differently. On the flip side of that, having someone share all the details of their treatment plan plus side effects doesn’t mean their pain is any worse than the one who doesn’t talk. Each one deals with the adversity of the disease in a different way. What may seem like a minor issue to you is very real to the person who is experiencing it. In essence what they are trying to say is, “It’s real, it hurts and I’m scared.”

Medical diagnosis, staging or degrees of disease are irrelevant. Pain however, is not irrelevant. Cancer survivors have to learn to accept their degree of pain and find their own way to deal with it. So, as a friend or even a fellow cancer survivor, don’t judge or compare pain. Just listen and love.

Blessings, Cindy J

After having worked in the textile industry for over 20 years, my father became a Southern Baptist minister at the age of 42.  He obediently accepted the challenge from God to go into the ministry even though it would be difficult and require changes in his family’s life. Daddy pastored small, country churches and his church members affectionately called him “Preacher Man”. Being raised in a rural farming community in Southside Virginia, it was easy for Daddy to relate to the people he pastored because he really was one of them. One of the things people would always tell you about my Daddy was that he simply loved and accepted them for who they were without judging them for their faults.

May 28th would have been my Daddy’s 87^th birthday. We lost him to a heart attack in 1990 at the age of 58. It seems he was so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs that he neglected to take care of his own health. Just recently, two different men who knew my Daddy talked about the lessons he taught them and they way he lived his life for others. Even after all these years, he still has an impact on their lives because he left behind a legacy of love and faith.

Having faced health challenges from cancer, it really makes me think about the legacy I will leave behind for my children, grandchildren, friends and community. What will people remember was important to me? What lessons have I shared with others? I want to make an impact on the lives of those I love and the community where I live right now. I think about it because of cancer but shouldn’t we all think about our legacy? What will you do to make someone else’s life better today?

Blessings, Cindy J

 

 

 

 

It’s May. The flowers are starting to bloom; there’s color everywhere. New growth and greenery emerge out of the soil and onto tree limbs. Everything is growing once again and it’s beautiful. There’s one particular flower that out does them all this time year though. It’s the peony. Dead shoots from the peony bush stick up out of the ground all winter waiting to be cut back in early spring. Then the buds of new growth start to peek up out of the ground and almost seem to form leaves overnight. Finally, the flower buds start to take shape with their many layers curled tightly in a ball. These buds stay there a while until the sun and the temperature are just right and then they burst open into one of the most beautiful, intricate and colorful flowers I have ever seen. The catch is that you better enjoy this show of nature while you can for it is brief. All that watching, waiting and anticipating is short lived in spite of the special beauty it brings.

A peony plant blooms once a year and the blossoms only last about a week or two. Oh, but during that time it is simply amazing to behold! Does this thing of temporary beauty warrant our attention, time and care? Is the flower we see for such a short time worth it? Yes; yes, indeed it is. Although we know some things will only be with us for a season, the temporary joy and beauty they bring to us are worth everything we have invested in them. Temporary beauty is all around you, so don’t miss it. Enjoy your peony, whoever or whatever it may be, for tomorrow it may be gone.

Blessings, Cindy J

Today’s post is dedicated to Mary Catherine and Hannah with all my love.

I have two sons so because of that I am blessed to have two daughters-in-laws. I call them my “daughters-in-love”. One of them shares my love for the written word and gardening. The other shares my love for music. Both of them share my love for the beach and most importantly for my two boys who of course are now grown men in their 30’s. Again, I feel very blessed that God put each of them together to create a family of their own. Now I’m sure you are thinking, what does this have to do with cancer? The answer is actually quite simple; they were my reason to fight.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my oldest son was starting out his career as an architect and my youngest was still in college preparing for a career as an educator. I was determined that because I had put so much love, time and energy into raising these two that I was not going to leave them without at least knowing who they would be spending the rest of their lives with. So, I decided that I was going to give this cancer fight everything I had because I did not want to miss their weddings. It was important for me to know that they were going to be okay and taken care of when I was no longer around. And let’s face it, what self-respecting Mom doesn’t want the chance to check out her future daughter-in-law!

In addition, I prayed that part of the package would also be grandchildren and indeed (for now) I have been blessed with two precious granddaughters. They call me Nana and it’s the sweetest name I’ve ever been called next to Mom. For them, I continue to do all that I can to stay healthy and strong.

If you are battling cancer, I encourage you to find your reason to fight. Focus on the thing that helps you to hang on when you just don’t think you can handle it another day. It may be a future event, person or goal that spurs you forward. Whatever it may be, just hang on and keep fighting.

Blessings, Cindy J

For you did not receive a spirit of fear that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. Romans 8:15 NIV

Just say the word “cancer” and you can see the fear in people’s eyes. They immediately look away or try to change the subject. It’s not a word anyone ever wants to hear when they are sitting in a doctor’s office. Cancer by nature brings with it a spirit of fear. I think it’s because people automatically associate the word with negative outcomes. Most of us really don’t want to have to face the things we fear, especially the things that are hard to cope with and understand.

Each of us has something we fear. In addition to cancer, I am also afraid of birds. Don’t ask me why but I can assure you that if a bird is anywhere in my vicinity, I am vigilant. Just watching and waiting to make sure it steers clear of me. That’s the way all of us are with the things we fear; we just don’t want to have to deal with them. What if there was a way we could overcome and conquer our fears? To know that we never have to face that fear alone ever again. Good news everyone, there is and it simply has to do with trust. It doesn’t mean the fear is not real or even that it will go away. It just means that there is help in dealing with it.

Now I certainly don’t trust birds. They appear out of nowhere and swoop down on unsuspecting victims. Neither do I trust the disease cancer. It comes along when you least expect it and causes you to be fearful. However, here’s what I do trust; God and His promise to watch over me. To take care of me no matter what comes along. When He is in charge of my life, He has promised that I will have no spirit of fear. That’s a promise I can accept and live with. I know He’s watching over me and protecting me each day whether it’s birds, cancer or anything else that crosses my path. No spirit of fear. He’s got this and on that I can trust.

Blessings, Cindy J

*Note: Normally my blog posts are meant to be uplifting and positive. I want you to think about and understand what someone who is diagnosed with cancer feels by sharing some of my struggles and how I have worked to overcome them. Today’s post does that but it comes from a very different perspective than usual. There are times that as a survivor/thriver you do go to a dark place and I think it is equally important to deal with those issues as well.

When something has been broken, it can’t be put back together and expected to be the same. Sure, it can be taped, glued, repaired, etc. but it has been forever changed and let’s face it; it’s still broken. Mended yes, but broken. That’s kind of the way your body feels after a mastectomy; broken. I will never look the same again. My clothes will never fit quite the same way as before. When I look in the mirror I see the scars of my brokenness. Even breast cancer survivors who were fortunate enough to only have a lumpectomy, still face the fact that in some way their body has been broken. It’s an emotional as well as a physical struggle.

We desperately want to rid our body of the cancer that is making us sick and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. We put ourselves through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, each one causing side effects that forever change our bodies. The treatments meant to save our lives can cause brokenness not only of our body but our spirits as well. It’s a challenging time.

Here’s the upside in all this; broken is temporary. Indeed, being broken causes changes but the lesson in all this is how you face the challenges of these changes. Some people never recover. They allow the brokenness to consume them and never feel the freedom of letting go. Recovering from brokenness is a daily choice. My strength to deal with this comes from my faith in God. He surrounds me with friends and family who support and love me. I use my words in this blog and my journal to heal my emotional turmoil.  Being broken allows us to make positive changes and move forward in our lives. It takes us to a new place where we don’t have to be perfect. I like to think that maybe, just maybe, in the process of being broken we become even better than before.

Blessings, Cindy J

While sitting together talking in the 100 Acre Wood, Winnie the Pooh asks Christopher Robin, “What day is it?” To which Christopher Robin replies, “Today.” It’s a simple, yet powerful answer. It is indeed today and it needs to be cherished and treasured for all the adventures it holds. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Right now, we have today and we need to embrace it. When you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, you begin to think more about your today’s than ever before. You realize that the regular ordinary things and people of today are the things that truly matter.

I’m not saying that you need to live each day as if it’s your last one but what if you at least thought about what you would do differently if it was? Would you take that trip you’ve been meaning to take? Would you spend more time just hanging out with your friends and family? Would you forgive someone who hurt you just because it’s the right thing to do? Would you make time to do something fun just for yourself? How about tackling something new that you thought you never could do but you always want to try? Even if you’ve never had cancer or faced a life threatening illness, please take the time to think about this question….What will you do with TODAY?

Blessings, Cindy J

Just in case you don’t have a small child or are not familiar with the Disney movie Frozen, let me tell you about the movie’s main character Elsa. Elsa is inspired by the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale The Snow Queen. In Disney’s version, Elsa becomes queen of her kingdom but is unhappy because she is plagued by magical powers that cause everything she touches to become frozen. Elsa places her whole kingdom into an eternal winter and decides the only way she can keep both her kingdom and her beloved sister safe is to leave and go live alone in an ice castle. Initially, Elsa thinks she must hold everything inside and deal with all the turmoil she’s feeling by herself. It is when she leaves everyone and everything behind that she realizes in order to be free of her problems she must just “let it go”! She also comes to understand that she needs to trust others to help her deal with her issues.

I think Elsa spoke some very wise words for those of us experiencing an illness like cancer. Initially, most people think they have to deal with this disease on their own; that it is their burden to bear. In some sense, this is true because the sickness is in your body. The reality is that the sickness also touches the lives of those around you. Their love and support are what help you deal with not only the disease but also the healing process. Just like Elsa, we learn that we have to “let it go”! When we do, we allow others to be a part of our life and we can move forward to the healing part of our journey. My advice to you is that you CAN let others in, embrace their love and work together to just “LET IT GO!”

Blessings, Cindy J

I have always loved the color purple. When I finally got my own room as a teenager, I wanted everything in the room to be purple! Then I went away to college and my beloved ECU’s colors are purple and gold. The elementary school where I worked as a media coordinator up until my retirement last year had as its’ school colors, you guessed it, purple and gold. It seems purple just always has a way of showing up in my life. Thus, the Relay for Life purple shirt.

In case you are not familiar with this event, Relay for Life is an annual fundraiser by the American Cancer Society. Participants in the event work throughout the year to raise funds for their relay team by holding yard sales, selling items like t-shirts and various other fundraising activities. All the money raised goes towards cancer research. Many teams are organizing and gearing up their fundraising this time of year. This effort culminates in a Relay for Life event where cancer survivors, caregivers and others who support this cause get together to celebrate the victories and mourn the losses associated with cancer over the past year. Of course, what would a good fundraiser be if there wasn’t a t-shirt involved!

Many teams create their own t-shirt to coincide with the theme for that years Relay for Life event. If team members raise a certain amount of money, they receive an official Relay for Life t-shirt. I must admit, I have quite a few of these shirts in my drawer from the relay’s I’ve participated in over the past 10 years but the shirt that means the most is my purple Relay for Life shirt.  Purple shirts are given to cancer survivors so they can be worn during the first lap around the track known as the “Survivor Lap”.

So when you see someone wearing a purple Relay for Life shirt, please give them a smile or a hug and know they proudly wear it as a survivor. For me, I’ll keep collecting those shirts for as many years as I can. Maybe I’ll make a purple quilt with them!