For you did not receive a spirit of fear that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. Romans 8:15 NIV

Just say the word “cancer” and you can see the fear in people’s eyes. They immediately look away or try to change the subject. It’s not a word anyone ever wants to hear when they are sitting in a doctor’s office. Cancer by nature brings with it a spirit of fear. I think it’s because people automatically associate the word with negative outcomes. Most of us really don’t want to have to face the things we fear, especially the things that are hard to cope with and understand.

Each of us has something we fear. In addition to cancer, I am also afraid of birds. Don’t ask me why but I can assure you that if a bird is anywhere in my vicinity, I am vigilant. Just watching and waiting to make sure it steers clear of me. That’s the way all of us are with the things we fear; we just don’t want to have to deal with them. What if there was a way we could overcome and conquer our fears? To know that we never have to face that fear alone ever again. Good news everyone, there is and it simply has to do with trust. It doesn’t mean the fear is not real or even that it will go away. It just means that there is help in dealing with it.

Now I certainly don’t trust birds. They appear out of nowhere and swoop down on unsuspecting victims. Neither do I trust the disease cancer. It comes along when you least expect it and causes you to be fearful. However, here’s what I do trust; God and His promise to watch over me. To take care of me no matter what comes along. When He is in charge of my life, He has promised that I will have no spirit of fear. That’s a promise I can accept and live with. I know He’s watching over me and protecting me each day whether it’s birds, cancer or anything else that crosses my path. No spirit of fear. He’s got this and on that I can trust.

Blessings, Cindy J

*Note: Normally my blog posts are meant to be uplifting and positive. I want you to think about and understand what someone who is diagnosed with cancer feels by sharing some of my struggles and how I have worked to overcome them. Today’s post does that but it comes from a very different perspective than usual. There are times that as a survivor/thriver you do go to a dark place and I think it is equally important to deal with those issues as well.

When something has been broken, it can’t be put back together and expected to be the same. Sure, it can be taped, glued, repaired, etc. but it has been forever changed and let’s face it; it’s still broken. Mended yes, but broken. That’s kind of the way your body feels after a mastectomy; broken. I will never look the same again. My clothes will never fit quite the same way as before. When I look in the mirror I see the scars of my brokenness. Even breast cancer survivors who were fortunate enough to only have a lumpectomy, still face the fact that in some way their body has been broken. It’s an emotional as well as a physical struggle.

We desperately want to rid our body of the cancer that is making us sick and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. We put ourselves through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, each one causing side effects that forever change our bodies. The treatments meant to save our lives can cause brokenness not only of our body but our spirits as well. It’s a challenging time.

Here’s the upside in all this; broken is temporary. Indeed, being broken causes changes but the lesson in all this is how you face the challenges of these changes. Some people never recover. They allow the brokenness to consume them and never feel the freedom of letting go. Recovering from brokenness is a daily choice. My strength to deal with this comes from my faith in God. He surrounds me with friends and family who support and love me. I use my words in this blog and my journal to heal my emotional turmoil.  Being broken allows us to make positive changes and move forward in our lives. It takes us to a new place where we don’t have to be perfect. I like to think that maybe, just maybe, in the process of being broken we become even better than before.

Blessings, Cindy J

While sitting together talking in the 100 Acre Wood, Winnie the Pooh asks Christopher Robin, “What day is it?” To which Christopher Robin replies, “Today.” It’s a simple, yet powerful answer. It is indeed today and it needs to be cherished and treasured for all the adventures it holds. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Right now, we have today and we need to embrace it. When you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, you begin to think more about your today’s than ever before. You realize that the regular ordinary things and people of today are the things that truly matter.

I’m not saying that you need to live each day as if it’s your last one but what if you at least thought about what you would do differently if it was? Would you take that trip you’ve been meaning to take? Would you spend more time just hanging out with your friends and family? Would you forgive someone who hurt you just because it’s the right thing to do? Would you make time to do something fun just for yourself? How about tackling something new that you thought you never could do but you always want to try? Even if you’ve never had cancer or faced a life threatening illness, please take the time to think about this question….What will you do with TODAY?

Blessings, Cindy J

Just in case you don’t have a small child or are not familiar with the Disney movie Frozen, let me tell you about the movie’s main character Elsa. Elsa is inspired by the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale The Snow Queen. In Disney’s version, Elsa becomes queen of her kingdom but is unhappy because she is plagued by magical powers that cause everything she touches to become frozen. Elsa places her whole kingdom into an eternal winter and decides the only way she can keep both her kingdom and her beloved sister safe is to leave and go live alone in an ice castle. Initially, Elsa thinks she must hold everything inside and deal with all the turmoil she’s feeling by herself. It is when she leaves everyone and everything behind that she realizes in order to be free of her problems she must just “let it go”! She also comes to understand that she needs to trust others to help her deal with her issues.

I think Elsa spoke some very wise words for those of us experiencing an illness like cancer. Initially, most people think they have to deal with this disease on their own; that it is their burden to bear. In some sense, this is true because the sickness is in your body. The reality is that the sickness also touches the lives of those around you. Their love and support are what help you deal with not only the disease but also the healing process. Just like Elsa, we learn that we have to “let it go”! When we do, we allow others to be a part of our life and we can move forward to the healing part of our journey. My advice to you is that you CAN let others in, embrace their love and work together to just “LET IT GO!”

Blessings, Cindy J

I have always loved the color purple. When I finally got my own room as a teenager, I wanted everything in the room to be purple! Then I went away to college and my beloved ECU’s colors are purple and gold. The elementary school where I worked as a media coordinator up until my retirement last year had as its’ school colors, you guessed it, purple and gold. It seems purple just always has a way of showing up in my life. Thus, the Relay for Life purple shirt.

In case you are not familiar with this event, Relay for Life is an annual fundraiser by the American Cancer Society. Participants in the event work throughout the year to raise funds for their relay team by holding yard sales, selling items like t-shirts and various other fundraising activities. All the money raised goes towards cancer research. Many teams are organizing and gearing up their fundraising this time of year. This effort culminates in a Relay for Life event where cancer survivors, caregivers and others who support this cause get together to celebrate the victories and mourn the losses associated with cancer over the past year. Of course, what would a good fundraiser be if there wasn’t a t-shirt involved!

Many teams create their own t-shirt to coincide with the theme for that years Relay for Life event. If team members raise a certain amount of money, they receive an official Relay for Life t-shirt. I must admit, I have quite a few of these shirts in my drawer from the relay’s I’ve participated in over the past 10 years but the shirt that means the most is my purple Relay for Life shirt.  Purple shirts are given to cancer survivors so they can be worn during the first lap around the track known as the “Survivor Lap”.

So when you see someone wearing a purple Relay for Life shirt, please give them a smile or a hug and know they proudly wear it as a survivor. For me, I’ll keep collecting those shirts for as many years as I can. Maybe I’ll make a purple quilt with them!